First Same Sex Couple in Cranston to Get Marriage License Greeted with Open Arms

Royce Kilbourn and Karl Staatz, partners for 21 years, walked into the door to the city clerk's office in Cranston City Hall and made history Thursday morning.

They applied for a marriage license. And got it.

The clerk's office had been open for just two minutes when the two men and 10-year Cranstonians came through the door. And it wasn't their intention to be the first same sex couple to get a marriage license in Cranston on the first day Rhode Island's new gay marriage law officially went into effect.

"We honestly thought we go in, be quiet, get our license, and get out because we had other things to do during the day," Staatz said in an interview.

They weren't prepared for the warm welcome and overwhelming joy expressed by nearly everyone that greeted them on their journey up the steps of City Hall and into the clerk's office.

"When we walked in we were a little apprehensive, but everyone, from the first people we saw said 'congrats,' 'good luck,' 'we're so happy to see you,'" Staatz said. "Everyone was so welcoming, there was so much love. It put us at ease instantly when we walked in and saw all the smiles."

City Clerk Maria Wall, who said she was filled with happiness during the day, had put a rainbow flag on the counter next to a box of white ribbons for people to wear in support of marriage equality. She, like many other clerks in Rhode Island, had gone through training on the new forms and paperwork needed to make same sex marriage technically possible. It only took a few minutes and they were done, problem free.

"This really makes it feel like we're home," Staatz said. "This really reflects the state motto of 'Hope' — it gives us hope that there's an amazing future for the both of us."

The story of how Karl Staatz and Royce Kilbourn met begins one Wednesday night at a bar in Austin, Texas, where they both lived 21-years-ago. Each were hanging out with a group of their own friends.

After drinks, they each left for the night and went their separate ways.

“About a week later, I was close to the bar and I thought I might go back and see if that guy was there,” Staatz said, unaware that “that guy” had been thinking about him ever since their encounter, too.

Staatz walked into the bar and Kilbourn was inside with one of his girlfriends who he had dragged there in the faint hopes of a second encounter with Staatz. She excused herself and the two men talked for an hour. Numbers were exchanged. He called the next day, on to dinner they went.

“We hit it off from day one and have been best friends and partners ever since,” Staatz said.

They moved to Cranston for work and it has taken some time to fully settle in. The couple's neighbors are friends and supportive and Rhode Island is a beautiful place to live, but Staatz said they always missed living in Austin, which is a bit of an oasis of tolerance and forward-thinking in Texas.

After this week, and with their marriage planned for Aug. 21, they now are feeling that Rhode Island is truly their home, even though it is an adopted home.

"This is such an accomplishment — being able to get married here, DOMA being struck down — it brings so many people peace of mind," Staatz said. "We were always hopeful when we first met that we'd be able to get married soon and knew it was a long haul."

Their hopes began to perk up when a gay marriage bill got close to passage in the Rhode Island General Assembly about three years ago. They started telling their friends and neighbors that they were hoping to get married on their 19th anniversary. It kept getting pushed back, so they set their eyes on their 20th. The civil union law went into effect, but they weren't interested in that. It wasn't enough. 

"We wanted to wait for the real thing," Staatz said.

Suddenly, everything came together this year and they now will be married on the date of their 21st anniversary in Point Judith, Narragansett. And if the weather is good, they'll get on the boat with friends that night and enjoy the serenity of the Harbor of Refuge between the villages of Galilee and Jerusalem — their first night as husbands.

The couple also suddenly finds themselves in a crash course on the nuances of married life. Not how to get along or be good partners, but taxes, insurance, legal matters. 

"We now have to think these things through. Before, we'd have questions like, 'can he use my employee health care at work?' and before he had to have his own health insurance card, now he can use my card and benefits like any other employee that has a spouse," Staatz said. "And the tax thing — we're just starting to understand that."

Those are the issues that they never had to think about. Instead, they focused on their love and commitment and were fortunate to work for employers who are LGBT friendly. But it wasn't quite enough.

"Just saying 'this is my partner' or 'my boyfriend' doesn't have that same sort of weight, or commitment as saying 'my husband,'" Staatz said. 

The two men were also deeply moved by the display of support and love given to them by the large crowd assembled outside of Cranston City Hall to drown out the wailings of a group of protesters from Westboro Baptist Church who trekked from Kansas to Rhode Island to protest the new gay marriage law.

"When we saw the supporters out front, we thought 'wow, this is a bigger deal than we thought,'" Staatz said. "This really has been an amazing effort from so many people and the culmination of so many things the community has put in for hope, love, equality. We were touched by all the people out there in support."

Little did they know, that Wednesday night years ago in a bar in Austin, that their love would someday be pioneering, a symbol of societal change and acceptance — one of the remaining barriers to true equality crashing down once and for all.

"In a world that has so many stories that don't end right, we've been so blessed and so fortunate," Staatz said. "We have an amazing life together and today continues that journey."