What journey does your RI divorce professional suggest?

Marcel Proust said “The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

Many couples facing the reality of divorce have recent memories of months or years of arguments, breaches of trust, and rude behavior.  When they look at their spouse at the beginning of a divorce, they automatically become angry and vindictive, demanding retribution.  They use their emotions instead of objective reasoning.  Often, divorce lawyers recognize this attitude and nourish it; by reinforcing the anger and vindictiveness, the lawyer increase the client’s bitterness and anger and the cost of the process.

I suggest that clients getting a divorce seek therapy to deal with their emotions allowing them to becoming more rational in their view of the divorce and negotiations.  Custody negotiations and parenting plans should be based upon a reasonable approach and the children’s best interests and not built on punishing the other parent.  A division of the assets and debts, if it cannot be negotiated, will be decided by a judge who uses statutory factors that do not include your anger.  Revenge should not drive negotiations as the travel becomes uncontrollable and unsatisfactory. 

Divorce Mediation, a form of alternate dispute resolution, allows a person to explain his/her fears and wants for the future in a safe environment.  Emotions are addressed by allowing the parties a confidential and protected space to explain their anger once and for all.  Then,  a resolution, based upon fairness and reasonableness, addressing each person’s needs and wants, is sought by the parties.  Ask your lawyer if she would support your decision to use divorce mediation by helping you understand the issues of custody, dividing assets and support.  Ask why your lawyer might not support it.  Ask your lawyer if you should use someone like Steven Hirsch, a lawyer, who has over 18 years of mediation experience and still practices in the Family Court to keep up with the trends in Family Law.

 The process begins with “having new eyes” and releasing the anger and resentment that often comes naturally before and during the actual split up.  Lawyers and mediators are not trained therapists.  Some people find the combination of mediation with help from therapists in “having new eyes” so beneficial that they can begin their voyage of discovery to a new life.